Soul Food.

The homily today was quite suitable for my situation at the moment. It was the story about Zacchaeus, the tax collector, who had heard so much about Jesus that he decided to climb a tree just to see him, since he was so short and the crowd so large climbing the tree was his only option. Just a really brief outline of the story. And Then Jesus noticed him and decided to spend the night at his  house, the crowd was appalled since tax collectors are low down scum back then.

He spoke about how we hear Jesus, and see him, and acknowledge his affect on human kind. But do we really take the initiative to see him. And when he decides to acknowledge will we be of the same stature as Zacchaeus, who was willing to give up everything in honor of Jesus staying in his home.

It’s really similar to my life. I’ve heard, and acknowledged my faith life for so long, but at the same time I’ve done numerous things that are so against everything  believe in. I know his forgiveness is ginormous, his love even greater than that, but If I’m not willing to answer that call, to really serve, then what does it all mean? I mean to be honest, I’m very overwhelmed with my life at the moment. University is such a big shocker and all the other commitments I’ve added to it it just doesn’t seem I’ve been giving Him time anymore. Discernment is what I need right now, I need to figure out all the possibilities that benefit my situation but the community I’m in right now because with me being MIA nothing seems to be working out. I hope someday soon I’ll be able to answer that call, ready, willing, and pure-of-heart. 

Go ahead judge away. I really could care less, if I were to live my life according to the generic society’s approval I wouldn’t be having very much fun now would I? I mean look at you judging me as if you’re any better than me, Please you don’t even know me. I mean look at you face covered, lips glossed, purse in hand, ego up to the sky. Just because you have a sense of pride gives you the right. Maybe you’er missing something, missing the fact that I’m still happy, insults or none, I know me, my friends know me, and God knows me. They are really the ones that are able to critique me when I’m wrong. Not some washed up has-beens sitting in the back of the bus that hide behind their make up assuming look better than everyone else so they can lash out every insult on board. Thank you for making yourselves look like over sized prick that wouldn’t know a good thing if it walked up to them. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone, unless I find fit, and trust me you were far from that. Anyways have a nice night, and Thanks again.

I hate being emotionally high of a single moment, when I don’t really know what it means to you.

I tend to think better on the bus when I sit alone, earphones check, volume up. Everyone here seem so generic. Am I generic? Just another bus rider. Jokes. No one is generic. It’s impossible. Done

Gosh. After some very reflective discussion with some good friends. I’ve come to a reasonable conclusion on how to sum up this thing I suppose.

This nostalgic feeling you get when you’re with them. Everything is going to be just fine, good or bad. It’s easy to say “I’m over you, and I’m moving on” but such a different thing to mean it. Moving on from what exactly? That good feeling you get when you caught each other smile in the hallway. Or just that good feeling in general. It was such a high. More addicting than anything I’ve ever tried before. More addicting than MCDONALDS (that’s saying alot coming from me). It’s almost like giving up that good feeling altogether. Why? It’s not worth it. You don’t gain anything. Why not just be their friend. What’s the harm. People make mistakes, we make mistakes, our kind is full of mistakes, building off of them and repairing them is all we can do to make things better. That’s what I’m gonna do. Rebuild What I had and make it better. I’m here.

Your Friend, Dale

So frazzled. Everything is easier said than done. Thought I was over you, but I wasn’t. Seeing you today and that reconciling hug was something I didn’t want, I didn’t need but at the same time I did want it and I did need it. I know having you around is an infamous reminder of how I wish things were but at the same time having you around makes me happy, even after everything. I know I miss you, I know I still like you, I know I may fall for you again, but at the same time if you don’t want it please make it apparent to me because I don’t want to be down. It was nice seeing you though, you looked amazing in your outfit whichever spirit day it was. I missed your smile, and that feeling that everything is going to be “honky donky”…

I’ve heard people say that religion is the biggest cause of war. Untrue. If anything the biggest cause of war is failing to understand each religion.